Almost Canadian

It’s been awhile and I’ve been meaning to write for ages. I’m really good at writing excuses for not writing, but that’s not super interesting for anyone to read, so I’ll skip that part. Suffice it to say that life has been interesting, as I am pregnant, and this has caused many physical and mental changes for me. They’re exciting changes, but as with any change they require adjustments. (That’s a bit redundant, but you get what I’m trying to say.)

The biggest thing has been working with my energy levels and trying to use time effectively. I was really, really nauseous the first three months and most extra activities were off the table because I simply couldn’t. I’d get home from work, collapse on the couch, and scroll my phone because even reading was difficult some days. (This was very frustrating for an avid reader.) It was frustrating to feel incapable of doing the things that would normally make me feel better, like eating healthy foods and walking outside and doing basically anything besides scrolling.

Fortunately, that was temporary, and I have more energy and enjoy life a lot more. As I’ve regained energy, I’ve had to relearn how to use it. When I was sick, I remember thinking that I would get so much done when I finally got better! And I do do more, even if it’s just acting happier at work. But some of the habits I picked up while sick have stuck, like scrolling on my phone. There are other things I want and need to do, like read books and sew and wash dishes, but I’m more motivated to pick up my phone to watch shorts than do anything else. Not that shorts are inherently bad; they can be a pleasant distraction when things are overwhelming. But they can also be a distraction from the signals your body and mind are sending to tell you what they actually need.

Recently I’ve tried to listen to myself better and identify the function behind my habits I don’t like. For example, I’ve learned I often scroll through shorts because I’m tired. Realizing this helps me use my phone more appropriately and replace it with actions that are more restful and satisfying. I can watch a few shorts and then put the phone down and take a quick rest, or eat a snack, or listen to music. Sometimes the best use of my time is to do nothing and not try to input something at every moment (videos, podcasts, books, anything adding to the brain clutter). This creates a space that helps me listen to my body and mind and help me figure out what to do with them. I’m not perfect, but it’s a start to being more who I want to be.

I guess the point of sharing this is to say that hey, it’s ok if it takes time to learn or relearn how to care for yourself. It’s a process and will not happen all at once. I would invite you, dear reader, to create some space in your life to reflect a little and listen to what your body is telling you. I’ll keep working on it too.