Almost Canadian

Or, rather, emotions. I thought they were synonymous, but a quick google just revealed that there is, in fact, a difference that would be fascinating to delve into further at some future time. For now, however, I will content myself with understanding that feelings are conscious interpretations of our emotions, which are natural responses to the world around us and can be conscious or subconscious.

Or something like that. I am not an expert. That said, I experience them just the same.

Being the season of setting goals, I’d like to throw my goal out into the universe. It’s not specifically a New Year’s resolution, more just putting words to a self-improvement project I’ve been working on and really setting the intention. My goal is to truly experience my emotions in a healthy way, both the positive and negative ones.

Truth is, I very much tend to hide from the negative emotions that come my way, and that makes it harder to feel the positive ones. Recently I listened to a podcast episode that called me out and struck me to my bones. In it, minister Benjamin Perry discusses crying. He points out that crying is the first way we communicate as a baby and is a way to truly connect with ourselves and others. It’s a vulnerable state in which we are feeling deeply and openly.² (Crying actually washes stress hormones away, something that is unique to human tears.³) Yet crying is often looked down upon, particularly in American culture. Perry states:

“So we say… I will be seen as weak if I get hurt and I cry, and therefore I’m gonna suppress the tears in that context. But what ends up happening is the only sure way to suppress tears is to actually limit the amount that we are feeling something in general. And so if we continue to do that again and again, we just stop feeling things as deeply.” (2)

And the thing is, that’s me. In an effort to avoid painful negative emotions, I’ve also been avoiding the positive ones. I have anxiety, which makes some experiences more intense than necessary. Years of intense emotion have caused me to hide from my inner self, because I’ve believed that all uncomfortable feelings are bad and are a result of my mental illness. This belief is damaging. Some of the feelings are due to that, yes, but some are a normal part of life.

Dr. Allen Frances, a psychiatrist and former chairman of the Department of Psychiatry at Duke University School of medicine, explains this well.

“Sadness should not be synonymous with sickness. There is no diagnosis for every disappointment or a pill for every problem. Life’s difficulties—divorce, illness, job loss, financial troubles, interpersonal conflicts—can’t be legislated away. And our natural reactions to them—sadness, dissatisfaction, and discouragement—shouldn’t be all medicalized as mental disorder or treated with a pill. … Our capacity to feel emotional pain has great adaptive value equivalent in its purpose to physical pain—a signal that something has gone wrong. We can’t convert emotional pain into mental disorder without radically changing who we are, dulling the palette of experience.” (1)

So how do I know when the emotions I’m feeling are due to the natural ups and downs of life and when they’re due to an inability to process serotonin correctly? How can I honor myself and the emotions my body produces? Perhaps it’s less about labeling each emotion as acceptable or not and more about adjusting my relationship with those emotions. The coming months will be a journey, that’s for sure, as I explore this in my own life. Perhaps this is an odd thing to share on the internet, but I suspect I’m not the only one in this place.

Here’s to a bright, wonderful new year full of richness of emotion for me and for you.

References

1. Judd, D. K. (2021). Let’s talk about religion and mental health. Deseret Book Company.
2. Perry, S. K. (2023, June 11). Benjamin Perry and Cantor Sharon Brown-Levy: How do our emotions draw us closer to God? (Podcast season 7, episode 155). Retrieved January 24, 2024, from https://www.byuradio.org/5d89b568-af31-406b-9ec3-4ff8fa9028b0/this-weeks-guests-counsel-us-to-come-closer-to-god-by-feeling-fully-and-engaging-in-powerful-music-ep-155-benjamin-perry-and-cantor-sharon-brown-levy-how-do-our-emotions-draw-us-closer-to-god
3. Ross, J. (2002). The mood cure: The 4-Step program to take charge of your Emotions—Today. Penguin.